Here’s some pretty funny (and accurate) cultural sterotyping from a US friend.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A
Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940
when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
“Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a
“Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the
Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have
been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are
“Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country’s military capability. It’s not only the French who are on a
heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout
loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels
remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to
“Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher
levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on
all of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere… New Zealand has also raised its security
levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the
airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and
the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has
one more level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Australia will come and
rescue us”. Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No
worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain:
“Crikey!”, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The
barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the
final escalation level.