Like all good satire, there’s more than a grain of truth in this one
Obama’s State of the Union Address
My fellow comrades, I come to you this evening to list my accomplishments of the past year and summarize my plans for the coming year.
First, the Nobel awards committee in Oslo, in their infinite wisdom, decided to bestow upon me the Nobel Peace Prize. I thought it was an appropriate honor and I am working hard to achieve the Marxist goal that defines Peace as the worldwide absence of opposition to communism.
I want to emphasize I have done my best to destroy capitalism and the free market system. I have increased government spending to record levels in the hopes of creating more government dependence and increasing inflation. I have increased government rules and regulations to further stifle small business, which we all know is the backbone of capitalism. I shall continue to increase taxation and regulation to the point where big businesses and large corporations will go bankrupt and be ripe for government takeover. I will coordinate this with the unions behind closed doors. I have tirelessly worked with the unions to increase their power and give them special benefits. I nationalized General Motors and I will continue to promote nationalization of core business sectors. I am actively pursing card check and hope card check legislation will pass in my second year of office. I am promoting Cap and Trade legislation that will further hamstring American business. I am also promoting union control of the TSA. I am currently trying to regulate the Banking System to the point where government control is inevitable. I want to emphasize these efforts take time to implement, so don’t expect results overnight.
I will continue to pursue all Global Warming and environmental impact policies and shall attend all conferences that promote such ideas. During this past year, I instructed the EPA to declare Carbon Dioxide a deadly gas. The Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen was a success in a lot of ways, but it did not produce the results I was hoping for. As we all know, Green is the new Red, so we must pursue all policies Green, Green jobs, Green energy and Green-Global Warming education in our schools. I am working with the Department of Education and the NEA in this regard. Indoctrination of our youth is at the core of our success. Again, be patient, the erosive effect on capitalism and our culture takes time.
I have worked hard to get Socialized Medicine implemented and passed by the time of this State of the Union address. As Lenin said, ‘Medicine is the touchstone of Socialism,’ so if our worldwide socialist agenda is going to move forward as we have envisioned, then this must pass, and soon. I am working hard with Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senator Harry Reid to achieve this objective.
After Socialized Medicine is passed this year, I shall initially devote my efforts to granting Amnesty to all illegal aliens and provide easy access for all of their relatives to come to America. This will guarantee a further deterioration of our social welfare and medical care system that will ease the transfer to socialism for all. I will continue to adhere to the policies outlined by Cloward and Piven in these areas and will work with the Progressive and Black Caucuses to ensure their implementation. Amnesty, along with continued efforts at voter fraud, will ensure a Democratic stranglehold on America for generations to come. This will further ease our transfer of the post-American nation into the One World Socialist Republic.
I intend to pursue Gun Control on various levels this year. More staged atrocities will occur that will get the public aroused to the further need to register and then confiscate all guns. I am working with the Main Stream Media to insure our coverage of this vital area and expect key members in the House and Senate to further prepare the necessary legislation to get this passed.
I have done my best to gut our National Defense. I cancelled the F-22 program, cancelled the US Missile Defense program for Eastern Europe, cut our Missile defense, cancelled any current military Research and Development and will continue to fight pay raises for our military members. I am researching further ways to decrease their benefits. I am hoping to get out of Iraq this year, and after the token buildup in Afghanistan, hope to be out of there by next year. I am abandoning Israel and actively promoting Hamas and the Palestinians and hope a separate Palestinian State will be formed this year. I am ignoring Iran and hoping they get a nuclear weapon this year. That will further destabilize the region and produce more crises in that area which we can use to produce further change here at home. I am also hoping to pursue a Nuclear Free military by the time I leave office. This may invite an attack and hasten the struggle we long for. Again, be patient as these changes take time and always keep in mind we never let a crisis go to waste.
I shall continue to ignore our traditional allies and work feverously with our comrades in Russia and China to produce worldwide communist influence and eventual control.
I shall continue to embrace my Muslim Brothers, and will pursue open immigration from Muslim countries with guaranteed welfare benefits upon arrival. I shall institute an executive order subsidizing the building of Mosques at taxpayer expense. Any man caused disasters will continue to result in the perpetrators being immediately Mirandized and tried in civilian courts with taxpayer-funded attorneys.
I will, of course, continue to promote the health, welfare and government subsistence of my fellow Black Americans. It’s only if we continue to promote class warfare and racism will the socialist revolution come to fruition. I hope to increase affirmative action efforts and legislation and am proposing a bill to bypass job requirements for Blacks in Federal jobs.
As promoted by Alinsky, I will continue to promote the words Hope and Change on the American people until they see the light of Socialism. I shall continue to consult with member of the Communist Party USA, the Czars and my Marxist mentors as I make further plans to change America to a more Progressive Post-American country.
I am hopeful about the 2010 elections. People are already working on the ground to shore up support, infiltrate various organizations, researching and implementing voter fraud, and energizing ACORN. I intend to have Amnesty passed by then so it should be a slam-dunk. Also, keep in mind; much of the Jobs Stimulus billions was laundered to be used for ads and support for Democratic candidates this fall.
Comrades, I have accomplished a lot in one year. I shall do my best to promote our values and, as promised in my campaign, produce a fundamental change in America.
Thank you and Good Night.
Thanks to Art in Idaho.